Holiday boundaries for people who hate setting them

I don’t know about you all, but putting up the Christmas tree this year felt less like holiday cheer and more like setting up a countdown clock to the chaos. That tree is basically standing in my living room, “You have sooooo much shit to do before Christmas!” Decide on presents. Buy presents. Wrap presents. Host parties. Pick outfits. Take pictures. Attend parties. Don’t forget about work! MAKE THINGS MAGICAL!

A lot of us Overachieving Shitshows got here because we say yes way too often. Maybe Thanksgiving exhausted you. Maybe you tried to get ahead on gifts and failed. Maybe you haven’t done a damn thing yet and now feel responsible for creating all the holiday magic for everyone.

Whatever your situation is, if you’re overwhelmed by the Christmas countdown, it’s time to set some boundaries. But you have to reflect a little and figure out what boundaries are right for YOU.

And here is my gift to you: BLAME ME!

What to say to multiple family gatherings? “My doctor said I need to chill out this year because stress isn’t good for me right now.”

Want to skip the holiday shopping and get a pedicure on 12/23? “Dr. Kate said we all need to take time for ourselves this week.”

Don’t want to answer intrusive questions? “I’m not discussing that today.”

Many of you carry the emotional load of making sure no one feels disappointed. But here’s the truth: If you don’t learn to set boundaries now, you’re going to show up to Christmas as a hot mess wrapped in a used bow.

If you want to protect your peace and your sanity, start practicing:

“That day doesn’t work for me, but I hope you have a wonderful time.”

“I love you, but I can’t make it this year.”

“I’m not discussing that today.”

REMEMBER: Guilt is not a healthy strategy.

If people get offended by your boundaries, it’s probably because they’ve benefitted from you not having any. Their discomfort is NOT your responsibility.

So I’ll leave you with a few questions to help you define your boundaries this holiday season:

What drains me?

Will I resent this later?

What am I afraid will happen if I say no?

Your nervous system deserves to end this year with rest, peace, and love, NOT PRESSURE TO PLEASE.